IKE | It was a dark and stormy night…
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It was a dark and stormy night…

It was a dark and stormy night…

The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest is a “whimsical literary competition that challenges entrants to compose the opening sentence to the worst of all possible novels.” Congratulations to the 2010 overall winner, Molly Ringle of Seattle, Washington.

Here is her winning entry:
For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity’s affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss–a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity’s mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world’s thirstiest gerbil.

Her writing was certainly deserving of the prize. However, I am drawn to more groan-up fare. Here is my favorite, from Brad Taylor of Iowa City, the runner-up in the vile puns category:

As Jeffrey Hicks, the event safety coordinator for the Renaissance Festival finished posting the revised standards for weaponry, he thought of the day an unleashed dog wandered onto the jousting field, causing the rider from Indianapolis to stop short, impaling himself on the butt of his spear, and the following day’s newspaper headline which read: “Stray Injures Indy Knight, Hicks Changing Lances.”

If you can stand it, there’s more where this came from at The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest where www means “Wretched Writers Welcome.”

David Isaacson
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